5 Signs You’re Healing from a Breakup
The end of a romantic relationship is one of the hardest things we can go through as human beings.
One minute, we love and are loved. The next minute, the person is gone.
With self-care and support from our family and friends, most of us can heal over time.
But how do you know when you’ve actually healed from a breakup? Here are 5 signs:
1. You think about your ex less often
Right after a breakup, it may feel like you’re thinking about your ex 24/7.
Whether you’re at work, at the gym, or with your friends, your ex is always on your mind. Even when you try to distract yourself, you can’t stop thinking about them.
It’s exhausting and can affect your day-to-day functioning.
As you heal, you’ll think about your ex less often. The memories of the relationship become more faded as you have new experiences and form new memories.
2. You feel more neutral when you think of your ex
After a breakup, it’s normal to feel unpleasant emotions when you think about ex.
If you left them, you may feel guilty, uncertain, or even regretful.
If they left you, you may feel confused, angry or abandoned.
This plays havoc with your emotional state, and can affect your mood, sleep and appetite.
A sign that you’re healing from the breakup is that when you think about your ex, you feel less triggered. You may still feel some guilt or anger, but the emotion is less intense and fades more quickly.
3. You can recall both the good and bad times
Immediately after a breakup, sometimes all we can think about is how terrible the relationship was and how relieved we are to be out of it.
Or we can only remember how wonderful it was and feel despair that we’ll never find a love like that again.
But no relationship is all good or all bad, just as no human being is all good or all bad.
When you heal from the breakup, you’ll have a more balanced perspective on the relationship.
Instead of putting your ex on a pedestal or demonising them, you’ll recognise that they had their own flaws and issues, just like you. You’ll remember both the good and bad times.
4. You accept that the relationship is over
When someone breaks up with you, you may harbour a secret hope that they’ll regret their decision and come back to you.
Or if you broke up with them, there may be a part of you that feels a little uncertain and wants to keep the door open.
This keeps you from fully letting go and moving on.
After you’ve healed from the breakup, you’ll be able to accept that the relationship is over.
Of course it’s still possible that they may decide to come back to you or vice versa. But you won’t put your life on hold for this possibility.
Even if you were to get back together one day, this would be Relationship 2.0. The relationship you previously had is still over.
5. You feel ready to move on with your life
After a breakup, especially when it was a long relationship, you may feel lost and stuck.
You may long for the person or stalk their social media. Or you may try to erase every trace of their presence in your life.
A key sign that you’re healing from a breakup is that you’re able to move forward with your life.
Yes, you may still miss your ex. Yes, you may still feel some emotion when you think of them.
But you know that the relationship is over and that a new chapter in your life has begun.
But if a recent breakup is severely affecting you, or if you’re still struggling months or even years after a breakup, you might want to consider seeing a therapist.
How MEMI can help with breakups
With some breakups, there may be a particularly distressing memory that you can’t stop thinking about, e.g.:
When you discovered that your partner was cheating on you
The heated argument that led to the breakup
The breakup text message your partner sent you.
MEMI (Multichannel Eye Movement Integration) cannot change or delete memories.
But MEMI is particularly effective at reducing the vividness and emotional intensity of a traumatic or distressing memory, in just one to three sessions.
This brings a lot of relief to clients as the memory no longer torments them.
How Brain-Switch 2.0 can help with breakups
Find out how I helped a client to get over her ex-boyfriend!
After using MEMI to desensitise the most distressing memory about the relationship, I will often use Brain-Switch 2.0 to process other memories of the entire relationship.
For clients who don’t have a particularly distressing memory of the relationship, I use Brain-Switch 2.0 on its own.
The process of “discarding” and “releasing” memories about a relationship may sound simple, but I’ve seen over and over again how Brain-Switch 2.0 moves clients towards the 5 signs of healing above, also in just one to three sessions.
Get in touch
I know how painful a breakup can be. It can derail our entire life if we let it.
If you’re struggling to get over a breakup (or know someone who is), I would encourage you to seek professional help so you can get back on track with your life.
Eunice Tan
Trauma & Attachment Psychotherapist, Free From Trauma
I help people heal from hurts that keep them stuck.
