I’m sick of talking about my trauma
Dear Eunice
Something bad happened to me when I was a teenager. I kept it to myself for years until I became an adult and decided to try therapy. I tried a few different therapists, but they all want me to tell them the details of what happened.
I can’t even remember some of it, I don’t want to remember. Sometimes I tell them and I start shaking and crying. Other times I feel numb like I’m telling someone else’s story. None of it seems to help. The memories are still there and will never go away.
Should I just give up on therapy? Why isn’t it working for me?
Lost Cause, 24
(The responses here are not intended to be a substitute for individual therapy and should be viewed as educational in nature. For personalised support, please reach out to a helping professional.)
Dear Lost Cause
It’s been a long and painful journey for you to find peace after what you went through as a teenager. There’s an inner strength that’s kept you going even though it’s been so difficult.
For some people, talking about a traumatic incident to a loved one or helping professional can be very helpful. It allows them to feel heard, understood and accepted, and gives them a space to process their thoughts and feelings about what happened.
However, for other people, it can be too painful and even retraumatising to talk about the incident. This makes it difficult for regular talk therapy to progress, and leads to clients dropping out of therapy.
If traditional talk therapy has not been effective for you, you can try other therapeutic approaches, e.g. somatic (body-based) ones or art therapy. You may also want to consider MEMI (Multichannel Eye Movement Integration).
I find MEMI particularly effective for helping clients to process a traumatic incident:
Content-free: The client doesn’t need to tell me anything about the incident, and MEMI will still be effective. This helps the client to feel emotionally safe and regulated.
Fast: The traumatic memory is usually processed in just one session of MEMI. The client will still have the memory but feel much calmer when they think about it.
Permanent: These changes are permanent. The traumatic incident becomes just another memory in the client’s rich and full life.
So I would encourage you not to give up on therapy. Explore various therapeutic approaches for trauma and find one you resonate with. Ask for a free introductory call with the therapist to see if they’re a good fit for you. In the meantime, please continue to prioritise your self-care and get support from people you trust.
Wishing you wellness,
Eunice